"I’m going to turn the little alphabet belcher into a proud princess whether he likes it or not," says Canadian columnist and proud feminist Leah McLaren of her thee-year-old son.

McLaren can't handle the reality that her three-year-old son James is very masculine; he doesn't like pretty flowers, the princess movie Frozen, or pink popsicles. Clearly, young James has been affected by societal pressures and cultural norms, or something, so McLaren has made up her mind to save him from his toxic masculinity and all that entails by forcing traditionally "girlish" things upon him, like crowns made of flowers and ballet classes.

Because alleged societal conditioning is very bad, but conditioning from mommy is very good.

Here's young James' first slip-up in front of Feminist Mommy, and her knee-jerk reaction:

The other day I was sitting in the park with James, 3, when I picked a dandelion and handed it to him as a present. “No way, Mummy,” he said, pushing away my gift. “Flowers are pretty and I’m a boy.”

And I thought: That’s it. I’m signing him up for ballet.

Whoa. I can't imagine the repercussions for James after McLaren learns he likes trucks over glitter. A lifetime of dress-up?

The feminist columnist continues to spiral over her son's boyish tendencies: "You might think this is no big deal," she writes, "that my son is just behaving 'naturally,' but I’m automatically wary of notions of biological determinism. When he hands me back a flower because pretty things are for girls, I think, what’s next? Kindness? Decency? Dancing?"

You see, everyone knows rejecting a flower as a male three-year-old is the gateway to adult misogyny. I'm glad McLaren spotted this early.

The columnist, convinced that James is rejecting "girlish" things "for reasons of obvious cultural conditioning," realizes she must be the one to condition her child:

"Much as I dislike the idea of anything being categorized as inherently feminine or masculine, it’s hard to explain poststructuralist gender theory to a three-year old," complains the feminist. "If I want my son to love and respect women, I am going to have to teach him to embrace – and ideally appreciate – 'girlish' things. That’s why I’m weaving him a dandelion crown and signing him up for ballet.

"I’m going to turn the little alphabet belcher into a proud princess whether he likes it or not," she concludes.

Remember, gender is completely removed from sex and therefore we must allow all children to find their own "gender identity" without parental rearing. Unless, of course, your three-year-old identifies as a cisgender male, then you must readjust him for his own good. Got it?

H/T Heat Street